Hello, everyone! Today I am doing something I have never done before on this website, a throwback list for a previous year. Today I am talking about the top ten worst hit songs of 2015. And I’ll soon be posting a best hit songs list for 2015 as well.

So, why 2015? Well, honestly, I’m not entirely sure. I knew I wanted to do a throwback list of the best and worst hits, and I decided if I chose a year in the 2010s or 2020s, I would already know a bunch of the songs that are eligible, thus making this take a lot less time than it otherwise would. But I do eventually plan to do these lists for other years, and I decided not to spend too much time thinking about which year to pick, so I just chose a year and moved on to work on the list.

So, what are the rules for what is eligible? Well, there are 92 eligible songs, all of which come from the 2015 Year-End Billboard Hot 100 chart, with the 8 songs which had already made the Year-End Hot 100 in the past not being eligible.

And overall, I do think 2015 was a below-average year for the charts. Not an awful year, but one which had a lot of bad songs which I felt tempted to put as dishonourable mentions … and speaking of which, I was going to stick with seven or eight dishonourable mentions, but I ended up putting nine of them here because there are so many bad songs that were eligible for this list, including some which didn’t even make the dishonourable mentions.

As always, this list is all just my opinion. I’m going to be quite harsh when talking about some of these entries, and I thought I’d let you know ahead of time. And while I genuinely think these songs are really bad, there is some exaggeration at points here and there.

I’m much more looking forward to making the best list, but for now, let’s start the dishonourable mentions (in randomized order), as I remind you of a bunch of songs you may have forgotten existed, probably for the better.

“GDFR” by Flo Rida (ft. Sage the Gemini & Lookas)

But this song you probably didn’t forget exists, at least I certainly didn’t, because I watch the NHL and constantly hear this getting played on the big speakers. Why? I have no fucking clue, because that drop sounds like absolute shit with that super annoying melody and the obnoxiously overpowering kick drum, and there’s nothing really all that special about this song in my opinion.

Neither Flo Rida nor Sage the Gemini have particularly good flows, and the lyrics are full of cringe, like that ‘Dubai’ pun in Flo Rida’s verse, and that not-so-subtle pun about beaches—we know what he was trying to say—and Sage the Gemini’s verse is probably even worse, with lines such as ‘girls get wetter than Katrina’ and ‘make you cough cough, that’s bronchitis.’

And if the song wasn’t bad enough as it is, the production doesn’t even make this work in a sports hype song way, which already doesn’t really work in my opinion with all the sex references—not the kind of song I’d want to listen to in order to get hyped for a big game.

So, yeah, in conclusion, this song sucks … not as bad as some of the songs I’ll talk about in this post, but still a shitty song regardless.

“Marvin Gaye” by Charlie Puth (ft. Meghan Trainor)

So, a lot of you are probably surprised this didn’t make the top 10 … and don’t get me wrong, it was close, but as cringey as it is hearing Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor trying to pull off this 60s sound with a song that pretty much ended up sounding like a parody of all the shitty music that’s gotten popular in the 2010s, at the end of the day it’s hard to get mad at a song like this.

Now, with that being said, this is probably one of the unsexist sex songs to ever become a hit, with the awful lyrics such as ‘Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on’—yes, ‘Marvin Gaye’ is a verb in this song—and ‘Don’t keep your secrets to yourself, it’s Kama Sutra show and tell,’ and also the terrible production in which the vocal harmonies sound like Charlie and Meghan were intending to record different versions of the song that accidentally ended up as one version.

And it’s not even a song that I can like ironically … it’s not even particularly bad in a funny way, so while I’ve heard much worse songs than this, don’t think I’m saying this is good.

“Earned It” by The Weeknd

To make this list—even the dishonourable mentions—usually there has to be something notably bad about a song … but in the case of this song, it’s here simply because it’s so goddamn boring. Seriously, what is the appeal of this song?

And being incredibly boring and lacking in anything I find even the slightest bit interesting was the reason I almost put “Night Changes” by One Direction in the dishonourable mentions—unpopular opinion, I know—but at least on that song it felt like there was an attempt for an emotional track with a huge soaring chorus, even if I think it fails miserably. “Earned It”, on the other hand, might be one of the most dull and lifeless songs to make the year-end Hot 100 in the 2010s.

Even when he just makes a simple love song or sex song without any real depth, The Weeknd can at least give a good vocal performance, and usually his songs at least have some sort of good melody somewhere, and I’m saying this as someone who isn’t typically a huge fan of his music. But in this song he doesn’t even sound like he cares one bit, and it moves at such a snails pace. And the lyrics about a few hookups which might turn into a relationship feel like the sort of ‘storytelling’ which doesn’t have much of a story at all. I don’t think there’s any depth here, and when, again, the music is so dull and boring, I have no reason to care. So, at least in my books, the most dull and forgettable hit song award for 2015 goes to this song.

“Want to Want Me” by Jason Derulo

But at least I don’t still have to hear “Earned It” on the radio nonstop all these years later, unlike this song which sounds like a bad ripoff of Maroon 5’s “Sugar” and has one of the worst written choruses of any song eligible for this list.

I’ve never fully been able to figure out exactly why I find this song as annoying as it is, but it does feel overproduced like so many bad pop songs of its era, and I don’t really like listening to Jason Derulo’s falsetto, especially the extra vocals in the last chorus.

Maybe it’s partially just the overplay, but this is one of those songs which immediately makes me want to change the station every time it comes on.

“Only” by Nicki Minaj (ft. Drake & Lil Wayne & Chris Brown)

A lot of people hear Chris Brown on a song and immediately don’t want to listen to it simply due to Chris Brown’s presence, and understandably so considering all the awful things that he’s done. But while I have little to no respect for Chris Brown as a person, I’m willing to separate the art from the artist … and I think it can be easy to forget that he’s actually a bad singer, and even if he weren’t such an asshole, I’d still have no reason to want to listen to more of his music. And yeah, his chorus here isn’t very good, but he’s not even the worst part of this song.

Nicki’s verse here is probably the ‘best’ of the three, but that’s not really saying much. Her verse doesn’t really have anything all that notably good, but there are only a few really cringey lines and her flow is decent, I guess.

And then there’s Drake’s verse where he says he’s first in line to fuck Nicki Minaj when she doesn’t have a man anymore, and then mentions the possibility of fucking her in her car, presumably while she’s driving. And then he goes on to brag about how famous he is, and there’s just so much ego here that really doesn’t sit well with me, and his vocal delivery here is not good at all.

And then there’s Lil Wayne’s verse which starts with him saying he’d only fuck Nicki if she’s drunk, and then he says his girlfriend will ‘beat up a bitch if she wave,’ and then he makes a few really cringey puns like ‘Blood Gang, take the ‘B’ off behaviour’ and ‘my story is how I went from ‘poor me’ to ‘please pour me a drink and celebrate with me.’’ And he sounds like he’s falling asleep in his verse.

While I don’t like the creepy lyrics from Drake and Wayne about Nicki Minaj, it doesn’t feel as bad considering it’s Nicki’s song, and the eerie synths feel like they could have some potential, even though it’s totally wasted here. But I’m just trying to explain why this song didn’t end up in the top ten, I’m not saying this is good. 

“Watch Me (Whip / Nae Nae)” by Silentó

Alright, I’ll admit even I’m surprised this didn’t end up in the top ten. I’m pretty sure there’s a pretty significant percentage of people who would consider this the #1 worst hit song of 2015, and it’s the most obvious example of an ‘annoying’ song eligible for this list. It’s insanely repetitive, and it’s just Silentó mentioning a bunch of dances, most of which already exist, and asking you to watch him do all those dances, and there’s literally nothing more to it. It’s the epitome of everything annoying about all the viral dance songs from that era.

It seems like Silentó probably murdered his cousin a few years ago—he was arrested, I know that much—and it makes me feel a lot less like defending this song … but really, the song itself isn’t as bad as I remembered it being. Yeah, it’s annoying, and I wouldn’t listen to it unironically, but it is kind of hilariously bad at the same time, which is why I can’t bring myself to put it on the list. But even if we put aside his legal issues from a few years ago, this song just isn’t good at all, and the pure stupidity of it deserves a spot in the dishonourable mentions.

“Hotline Bling” by Drake

So, “Hotline Bling” came out during an era when the general critical consensus on Drake’s music was at least slightly positive … kind of. And I know there are a lot of critics who have defended this song over the years, and I’ve never understood why. I mean, who wants to listen to Drake guilt-trip an ex for leaving him for four minutes over a super boring instrumental with a kick drum that sounds godawful in the mix?

And it’s not even like he can pull off ‘playing the villain’ in his vocal performance here … I mean, he doesn’t even sound like he wants to be in the studio here, and the chorus is arguably one of the dullest in mainstream pop music of its era.

And it’s not even just boring, it honestly feels kind of gross, with Drake going on and on about how his ex totally still wants to fuck him despite having clearly moved on. And it’s even more bewildering as Drake seems to be the one who initially put a question mark on their relationship by moving away, and he criticizes her for travelling, and he even goes as far as to say she used to be a good girl because she stayed at home. Reminder this is 2015 we’re talking about.

And besides, the whole thing feels corny as hell, with the implied general premise that whenever his phone makes a noise it means she wants to have sex … especially considering this is Drake. When you’re that famous, I think there are a lot more things a notification could mean. Let’s just hope this song isn’t his phone’s ringtone, because it absolutely sucks.

“Nasty Freestyle” by T-Wayne

I think one of my least favourite types of hip hop is the dreary, sluggish kind when it sounds like the MC doesn’t give one shit about being there. And speaking of shit, ‘I’m the king of this shit, crown by the toilet’ is only one of many cringey jokes throughout this song—honestly, it feels like they show up in every line.

And again, it just feels like such a slog to get through, because there is no energy here or any sort of catchy hook or anything. It just feels like everything I don’t want to hear in a rap song.

And the rhyming here is terrible, including rhyming ‘peon’ with ‘peed on’. And even the instrumental has no life to it, with the gang vocals just feeling super awkward; at least if you’re aiming for such a dreary vibe, you may as well go all-in on that sound.

I haven’t heard anything else from T-Wayne aside from this, and as far as I know this is pretty much all he’s known for to the general public … and I’m not really sure I want to hear his other music, at least not if it’s anything like this.

“Jealous” by Nick Jonas

When I was a kid, I used to listen to a lot of Jonas Brothers music, and honestly I’m kind of curious to revisit those albums and see what I think of them now … I just hope they’re not like this, because “Jealous” is the kind of song that immediately makes me want to change the station every time it comes on the radio. You know those songs that just really get under your skin? This is one of those for me. And it’s not hard to explain why, considering how dickish the lyrics here are.

This is basically a song where Nick Jonas guilt trips his partner for other people hitting on her, at least that’s the way I hear it … yeah, he admits it’s not her fault, but the whole thing just feels so petty, especially when he goes on to criticize her for the outfits she wears in her social media posts, asking her to ‘save a little bit just for me.’ Come on dude, there’s a difference between cheating and wearing a sexy outfit.

And sometimes I can get behind a song with dickish lyrics, if there’s any sort of charisma or personality, and it depends on the framing of it all, but here it just feels like the narrator is painted as some really respectful guy who ‘just wants what’s best for his partner,’ and I don’t buy it for a second, and Nick Jonas has zero personality behind the mic on this track.

On top of all that, add a bunch of extra noises in the background that never go away, including a bunch of pitch-shifted vocals that sound really bad, and exactly the kind of production that I don’t like in a pop song, where the percussion totally overpowers everything, and the synths have such a goopy texture, not to mention the vocal layering … yeah, I want nothing to do with this.

…

So, that’s the end of the dishonourable mentions—yeah, I know, lots of bad music. And this brings up the question, how are there ten songs eligible for this list that are worse than all the ones we just talked about? Well, there are a bunch of reasons a song could end up on this list, and a bunch of reasons why a song might not quite make the list despite all the issues I have with it.

So, anyway, without further ado, let’s get into discussing the worst of the worst of popular music in 2015!

#10 …

So, this one is here for a pretty simple reason: IT’S ANNOYING!

Now, purely being ‘annoying’ most of the time will only get you so far—to land a high spot on a list like this, typically there has to be something else about it, even something really small, which gets on my nerves. But pure annoyance can still land you a spot on the list …

#10: “Worth It” by Fifth Harmony (ft. Kid Ink)

I feel like every year there are at least one or two songs like this that become a smash hit. And when I say ‘songs like this’ I’m referring to the kind of pop song with a very immediately annoying in-your-face chorus, and usually one with terrible production.

And this song is just a mess. None of the singers bring anything to the table here at all, the chorus is obnoxious as hell, the vocal production sounds like shit, and most notably there’s that godawful horn melody with a terrible timbre which repeats throughout the song, and then leads into a super awkward transition into the mainly synth-based beat—actually, no, I shouldn’t say that, because the synths are totally overpowered by the percussion which just makes this sound even clunkier.

And there are so many awkward transitions here. The chorus, the verses, and the pre-chorus all feel like they were written for different songs, and none of them are good at all.

It’s songs like this that just baffle me as to how they become so popular … and yeah, I know a lot of it comes down to radio play and a bunch of stuff that the general public has no control over … but is there actually a large audience who likes listening to this? And hey, if you’re in that audience, I’m not judging, I just don’t understand, and that’s fine.

But to me, this is just obnoxious as fuck, even more than a song like “Watch Me (Whip / Nae Nae”, a song which I can mostly just ignore if it’s playing in the background. This song is just so unpleasant to listen to. I can’t say I get the appeal, not even a little bit.

#9 …

So, there are songs like “Worth It” where you hear it and it’s instantly annoying … and then there’s a song like this one which, at first glance, seems like just another pop song … that is, until it starts revealing a bunch of things about itself one-by-one and you realize that the song really sucks.

#9: “Riptide” by Vance Joy

I haven’t really heard very much of Vance Joy’s music, but based on the small amounts that I have heard, I can’t say I’m in any rush to listen to more of it.

Originally I was on the fence about whether or not “Riptide” would even make the dishonourable mentions. I mean, I knew I didn’t like this song at all and actually thought it was pretty bad, but was it bad enough to get a mention here?

Well, I can understand the argument that it’s just yet another boring, generic ‘indie folk’ song destined to cross over and become a mainstream hit despite not having any real substance to it. And yeah, to some extent that’s what it is … and it’s kind of the reason this ended up making the top ten; in a lot of ways this feels like the epitome of annoying pop songs with major campfire sing-along vibes, with how little there is here that I find even the slightest bit appealing.

And the more I listen to it, the more this song gets on my nerves. At part of it is because it just feels so quickly thrown together. It doesn’t sound like the kind of song that had a lot of effort put into it. I mean, maybe it did, but I doubt it.

The lyrics just feel so … random. And not in a fun, charming way where it adds to the mystery of the song, more in the way that it feels like I’m supposed to hear this as some sort of super creative piece of art, and to me it just feels like the references and hyperbole are here to make you remember the song, and not to really add to it artistically.

I mean, if the intention was to confuse the listener and make them wonder what the hell this is about, I guess it kind of succeeds? Sort of? But honestly I think it gets worse, because this seems to be a song about dating someone ‘dangerous’, who’s been ‘taken away to the dark side,’ and while it’s not specific about exactly what makes this person so reckless, the glamorization of it feels kind of questionable, and his biggest concern with his partner is that she’s going to sing the wrong words to a song.

And even sonically there’s a lot about this that I don’t like. The ukulele doesn’t even sound like it’s been tuned properly, and it just ends up repeating the same chords over and over again, without any really strong vocal melodies to make it compelling. And the production isn’t even flattering, with the vocals sounding like they were produced for a different song. And not to mention those annoying ‘ooh’s in the pre-chorus.

But the thing that’s always annoyed me about this song is the chorus. It sounds so dreary, and it has a really bad melody, and the group vocals turn the campfire song vibes up to eleven. And the chorus is also the part of the song where the instrumentation is the busiest; and when it sounds so sloppily put together, that’s not a good thing.

So, please, as a society, can we choose a new song to teach every beginner on the ukulele? Anything but this?

#8 …

“Take Your Time” by Sam Hunt isn’t on this list. Yeah, I considered giving it a dishonourable mention—it was certainly close—but I can’t say I hate that song as much as a lot of people do. I get why people hate it, because the lyrics feel pretty creepy and manipulative—although it’s not as blatant as some songs, and yes, that’s why a lot of people have issues with it, because of the ‘nice guy’ vibes which I also don’t really buy, but he seems to be showing at least some respect for the woman in that song, even if just the bare minimum.

Now, this song is more annoying than anything, and it doesn’t have the moral issues that “Take Your Time” does, but if you want to know the Sam Hunt song that I personally dislike more …

#8: “House Party” by Sam Hunt

I’ve mentioned many times that I’ve gotten way more into country music in recent years, although there are exceptions. This song specifically, however, barely even feels like a country song.

First things first, sonically this feels like a blatant ripoff of Taylor Swift’s “22”, which I think is a much better song, and this pisses all over “22”’s grave. But whereas “22” is simply just a fun party anthem, “House Party” honestly feels a little bit creepy—maybe not as much as “Take Your Time”, but still, when Sam Hunt offers to go to this woman’s house for a ‘house party’, it’s pretty obvious what he actually means. And no, that’s not an assumption, it’s in plain sight all over the lyric sheet. And it kind of seems like she’s not really into it, although that’s where we come back to the conversation about interpretations of lyrics, and it gets really complicated because art is hard to untangle sometimes. But this still feels kind of icky to me.

And like with the previous two songs on the list, this song has a very annoying chorus. The percussion is clunky, the vocal production doesn’t fit at all with the instrumental, and the whole thing feels like it’s supposed to be a fun, epic club jam, and it’s just so underpowered.

Look, I can get behind stupidity in pop music, but this isn’t fun or interesting, and to me it sounds kind of like a cross between Taylor Swift’s “22” and Tom Cochrane’s “Life Is a Highway” but gone to complete shit.

#7 …

But on the topic of country party songs that I don’t think work at all …

#7: “Kick the Dust Up” by Luke Bryan

So, I’ve never really liked most of what I’ve heard by Luke Bryan, but “Kick the Dust Up” is on an entirely different level of embarrassing. I mean, it’s hard to even be mad about a song like this, because it’s just so ridiculous.

But I think the real reason this landed as high as it did here is because it feels like a bad representation of one of my favourite genres: country music.

Now, that’s maybe not entirely fair, but this feels like the epitome of why so many people neglect all country music. I mean, even putting aside the godawful mixing with the really out of place synths as well as the horribly produced clapping percussion in the chorus, as well as the clunky percussion in the verses … well, this song has pretty much every country cliché you can imagine, as Luke Bryan tries to convince you that this is a fun party anthem, and it fails on pretty much every level.

I mean, I already mentioned how this sounds like shit, but at least in my books it doesn’t feel like there’s any creativity here, and at least if there is, it’s from the most random things that somehow still feel generic, like turning the cornfield into a party.

And it’s also worth mentioning I’ve never been a huge fan of Luke Bryan as a singer. I mean, I don’t think he’s a bad singer in general, but I feel like his vocals have never fully clicked for me, and he sounds like he’s trying way too hard on this track, and he doesn’t really sound like he’s having that much fun.

I don’t really know if there’s a better word to describe this song than ‘embarrassing’ … I genuinely wonder how this became a thing.

#6 …

I feel like this song kind of falls under a similar umbrella of ‘embarrassment’. Because one of the things that can annoy me the most in a song is when it seems like the artists have a totally different idea of the vibe the song gives off than it actually does. I mean, this is the third song out of five on this list that I think does this.

“Riptide” sounds like it’s supposed to be super deep and yet I don’t think there’s much to it at all, and “Kick the Dust Up” feels like it’s supposed to be a really fun song to blast at a party and I think it’s more cringe than anything. And this song aims for a completely different vibe but still fails all the same …

#6: “She Knows” by Ne-Yo (ft. Juicy J)

One thing I don’t think any sex song that’s actually trying to be sexy should have is farting horn sounds … in fact, I don’t really know any kind of song that should have those. It really kills the vibe for me, and in this song it’s far from the only thing that does so.

I mean, first of all, the song opens with a Juicy J verse which is honestly nearly as bad as his verse in “Dark Horse”—yeah, that’s right, I said it—and the vocal production isn’t good at all, sounding super awkward over that really bad synth melody. I mean, the ‘kill that pussy like my name Jack the Ripper’ line just reminds me of the ‘Jeffrey Dahmer’ line in “Dark Horse”. And then he goes on to say ‘Baby, I’m horny and I ain’t too proud to beg, instead show me the bed, early morning breakfast and head.’ I mean, even putting aside the awful rhyming, the line ‘Baby, I’m horny’ just feels overly to-the-point; it’s hard to explain, but doesn’t it just feel a little awkward?

And then there’s that awkward transition into the pre-chorus with the synths that sound really badly blended in with the other instruments.

And the chorus is really bad as well. I don’t like the backing vocals just repeating ‘she knows’ over and over again, and the annoying horns continue throughout pretty much the entire song. Oh, and I haven’t mentioned that baby noise which totally kills the vibe as if the vibe hadn’t been killed already.

And then Juicy J comes back and raps lines like ‘ain’t no I in team, but I got my eyes on you’ and ‘all that cake, come get you some filling.’

And it’s not even like there are any real strong melodies in this song in my opinion, and the percussion feels too snappy to fit with the sort of laid-back, hazy vibe.

And I have to wonder what the point of this song even was. I mean, Ne-Yo is going on and on about how hypnotized he is by this girl, and so is everyone else, and he’s hoping to win her over … but Juicy J’s verse at the start has him talking about having a foursome, and it doesn’t seem related at all to the song’s topic.

I don’t know, songs like these just feel like they were made to sell copies, and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised at all if that’s actually the case with this one. At least to me, this is a worthless dumpster fire of a song that really shouldn’t have become a hit … but hey, I guess that’s how you sell records, isn’t it?

#5 …

Alright, so despite how much critics love to hate this band, this seems to be one of their few mainstream hits of the past decade and a half that seems to have gotten a … somewhat positive reception from critics? And I’ve never understood why.

I mean, even on the surface I think this is an annoying piece of pop garbage that has basically zero reason I could understand anyone wanting to listen to it. But when you actually look into it a bit more, there are reasons it’s landing this high on the list.

#5: “Sugar” by Maroon 5

I’ve never really loved a Maroon 5 song that I’ve heard. It’s worth mentioning I mostly just know their hits, but it’s still not a good sign when they have that many hits and I think the best ones are ‘pretty good’, and most of them are awful. And ‘most of them’ definitely includes “Sugar”, which might even be the worst of them all.

This song has got the same awful falsetto from Adam Levine, the overprocessing of the vocals, and some of the cheesiest lyrics you’ll find on the Billboard Year-End Hot 100. And look, some of the melodies could have worked in a different context, but it just feels awkward over this kind of instrumental.

And I kind of feel like every time I listen to this song, I notice something more about it that annoys me. There are so many annoying moments here, from the breaths at the start to that awful ‘ooh baby’, and the specific ways Adam sings so many of the words here, and the robotic effect on the vocals just makes it all the more awkward, especially in that godawful chorus. And while the mixing isn’t awful overall, the overpowered low-end in the chorus does feel quite distracting.

And there are so many cringy lines here. I mean, the chorus is basically as cheesy as pop music gets, and it’s not like the rhymes really have any charm to them.

But then there’s the bridge … and that’s where this song annoys me the most. I mean, even putting aside the super cringey lines like, ‘Girl, you’re hotter than a Southern California day,’ and ‘I want that red velvet, I want that sugar sweet. Don’t let nobody touch it unless that somebody’s me,’ the narrator then goes on to harass this person, asking not to ‘give me all that shy shit,’ and any sense of romance this song was supposed to convey goes out the window. And then Adam suddenly, out of nowhere, mentions ‘no makeup on.’ I mean, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating someone for not wearing makeup, nor is there anything wrong with celebrating someone for wearing makeup … but it just feels kind of weird? Maybe it’s just because of the misogyny that the rest of the bridge conveys making me feel like this other line is supposed to represent more misogynistic bullshit, and maybe that’s not totally fair of me … but I can’t deny that it feels a little bit ignorant.

Either way, the song sucks. And when it feels like it’s about to end, of course they had to add another chorus with all those extra backing vocals from Adam Levine for good measure.

I feel like this should have been the moment Maroon 5 stopped having hits … and, well, I don’t think they’ve had many songs as big as this one since. So, I guess we’ll take that as a win?

#4 …

This one kind of snuck up on me. I originally thought it was going to barely sneak into the top 10, but honestly the more I listened to and even thought about this song, I realized just how bad it is.

#4: “Flex (Ooh Ooh Ooh)” by Rich Homie Quan

I mean, this might kind of be the point of this list as a whole, but you know those songs that are just super unpleasant to listen to? Because this song soured on me really quickly while I was preparing for this list, and I never even liked it in the first place, not even close.

And I don’t even know what to say about a song like this. I mean, I can say a few things, like how annoying the ‘ooh ooh ooh’s are in this song, and how he’s bragging about not having to flex while flexing for the entire song, and that this song is full of clichés nonstop. Oh, and there’s also that line about giving someone drugs so she’ll want to have sex.

This whole song is just so unpleasant, and that’s the best word that comes to mind when describing this. I mean, even aside from the lyrics, there’s nothing here that I find at all appealing, and it’s mostly obnoxious, with the overly loud trap snare, and the fact that Rich Homie Quan doesn’t even sound the slightest bit interested in recording this song. And that bassline is really annoyingly repetitive, too.

Again, this one just doesn’t give me much to say. I don’t wanna talk about this one anymore.

EDIT: I didn’t realize when I first posted this list that Rich Homie Quan tragically passed away shortly before this list went public. I apologize for not acknowledging that when I posted this. It doesn’t change my feelings on the song, but if I’d have known I definitely would’ve written this segment differently. Rest In Peace, Rich Homie Quan. Gone way too soon : (

#3 …

So, it’s kind of hard for me to describe how I rank a list like this. Because I feel like this song doesn’t have the same ‘obvious’ problems that those last few songs I mentioned have. And honestly, when it comes to which song I’d least want to listen to between this and some of the songs I’ve already mentioned, honestly I’m not even sure. And look, it’s not like this song is even ‘problematic’ or anything—at least the song itself, that is; the artist has gotten in some huge controversy in recent years, and I am not knowledgeable enough about that whole situation to really comment on it, and besides, this list is about the music.

The point I’m trying to make is … well, you ever hear a song that just sounds like shit?

#3: “Elastic Heart” by Sia

So, one thing I’ve never liked is empowerment anthems which don’t have any real muscle, and this is a prime example of that.

I’m not super familiar with Sia’s music—in fact I only know a few songs of hers—but it seems like she’s probably not very good at making empowerment anthems, because I don’t really like any of the empowerment anthems I’ve heard from her, unless you count “Chandelier”, but that’s more of an openly toxic tragic tale than anything, even though it may seem like an empowerment anthem on the surface.

And look, I like “Chandelier”; I don’t love it, pretty much entirely because of the mixing in which the vocals are way too quiet, but the melodies are strong, the percussion has some real punch to it, and Sia’s vocals are fantastic! But “Elastic Heart” lacks pretty much everything that makes “Chandelier” a good song.

For one, it’s kind of shocking how much worse the vocals are in this song. But I guess it makes sense when you think about it; when the vocal performance is this ‘out there’, like in “Chandelier” as well, unless you absolutely nail it, it’s gonna sound rough. And she hits every note amazingly well in “Chandelier”, whereas here … well, I don’t even know what to say. And I feel bad criticizing vocals, but I do believe any singer can be a good singer, I just think this sounds overly forced.

And the production is a mess. The percussion is way too busy, with those godawful hi-hats in the chorus, and the shuffling groove just sounds so awkward, especially with those repeated backing vocals which make me want to rip my ears off. And the shots of percussion right before the chorus are really clunky.

Also, this might be a total nitpick, but I find it a little weird how she’s describing her heart as being ‘like a rubber band’ as if that’s supposed to be empowering. I mean, aren’t rubber bands really delicate? And the rhyming isn’t very strong, and the production sounds way too dreamy and atmospheric to give this any real punch.

It just feels like the pinnacle of a category of pop songs which flooded the charts throughout the 2010s and took away spots that could have gone to much better songs. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain fully, because this song ‘shouldn’t’ be the worst thing ever … but it really does suck if you ask me.

#2 …

I don’t think this pick is going to surprise anyone. I mean, a lot of people would consider this the worst hit song of 2015. And honestly, it was a close race between the top 2; it really could have gone either way. And we’ll get to talking about the other song soon, but I feel like this song has pretty much everything wrong with it that all the songs we’ve already talked about do …

It’s got the obnoxiousness of “Worth It”, the feeling of faux-depth like “Riptide”, the terrible attempt at romance of “House Party”, the level of embarrassment of “Kick the Dust Up”, the farting horns of “She Knows”, the insane level of cheese as in “Sugar”, the endless annoying musical moments like in “Flex (Ooh Ooh Ooh)”, and the total butchering of an empowerment anthem like in “Elastic Heart”. And it’s all packaged into one absolute shitshow of a song …

#2: “Dear Future Husband” by Meghan Trainor

I mean, I don’t even think I have to explain this one. Come on, it’s “Dear Future Husband” by Meghan Trainor, it should need no explanation. Basically every music critic who’s covered 2015’s pop music has torn this one to shreds already. What can I really add to the conversation?

This might be one of the worst female empowerment anthems to ever become a hit. I mean, even calling it a female empowerment anthem feels wrong. Honestly, this song is completely sexist toward men, and to anyone who would call this song feminism, I think you need to seriously rethink what feminism is.

I don’t even know where to start with this song. I guess I can start by talking about how godawful this song sounds. “Marvin Gaye” was a terrible attempt at a throwback sound, but by comparison that song sounds like a timeless classic. I’m not even going to try to describe the instrumental of this song, it sounds like absolute shit and there’s no point in me even analyzing it.

And yeah, the vocal melodies suck, and the excess backing vocals turn the level of obnoxious up to eleven. But really, this is mostly here for the lyrics.

Even if we put aside how problematic the lyrics are, they’re also just really badly written and cringey. For example, ‘I never learned to cook, but I can write a hook.’ And then there’s the infamous line, ‘I’ll be sleeping on the left side of the bed. Open doors for me and you might get some … kisses’ … that is, right before telling her future husband not to have a dirty mind, and to ‘just be a classy guy’ … and meanwhile she’s listing off this demanding checklist of exactly how her future husband should treat her, including saying he should apologize after every fight, even if she’s the one who’s wrong … but she’s never wrong, is she?

I mean, this is a blatantly toxic song, in which the narrator is trying to entice men into a super one-sided relationship, and what else is there to even say about this song? It’s not even like it’s stupid in a fun way or anything. At least a song like “Jealous” by Nick Jonas kind of feels like a wallow in one’s own problems, if you really strain your ears … and also, while that song’s instrumental is not good at all, it’s not as obnoxious as this one. But yeah, this song has no depth to it or anything, it’s just a blatantly sexist piece of garbage which only became a hit because … well, who even knows? I think we’ve known the charts are broken for decades now, haven’t we?

#1 …

But alright, at the end of the day, “Dear Future Husband” is kind of a silly song. I mean, yeah, it feels like the framing makes it seem like it’s actually trying to send a message, but do I actually think Meghan was intending that? I mean, not really. It doesn’t really feel like a super serious song, it feels more like a silly joke song that was terribly thought out …

This on the other hand, is problematic on so many levels …

#1: “Ayo” by Chris Brown & Tyga

Alright, we’ve reached the end of the worst hit songs of 2015, and I’m looking forward to making the best list. Unfortunately there’s still one more song to talk about, and it’s the one that pisses me off the most out of every song eligible for this list.

I mean, on the topic of blatant sexism, if you think “Dear Future Husband” is bad, wait until you hear “Ayo”. Even if we separate the art from the artist and ignore all the legal issues both of these guys have gotten into—which is kind of hard to do considering all the misogyny splattered all over this piece of crap disguised as a song—this is an absolute mess, which just feels really gross and off-putting.

And look, when it comes to misogyny in music, it’s a complicated discussion which I don’t feel totally qualified to comment on. I think YouTuber Sean Fay-Wolfe of Diamond Axe Studios Music made a really good point about this in 2020 when discussing the worst hit songs of 2013, in the segment about “Love Me” by Lil Wayne featuring Drake & Future, saying that when it comes to objectification of women, while it’s absolutely a huge problem in real life, he can usually tolerate it in music … although there are exceptions when it goes too far.

And to me, “Ayo” feels like one of those exceptions. The whole thing just feels really icky with how Chris Brown and Tyga are going on and on about how many bitches they’re fucking with the framing feeling like they don’t give a shit about them as people, and then Chris Brown is stealing your girl, and I don’t even want to go on and on listing all the awful lines in this song, but I may as well mention some of them, such as how Tyga implies that he’s so hot that all the lesbians want to have sex with him, and Chris Brown BRAGGING ABOUT NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO PEDESTRIANS WHILE DRIVING.

And there’s also ‘We in the hood, tatted like a Mexican,’ and ‘My hobby’s her body, that pussy’s my lobby,’ and ‘If it don’t make dollars, don’t make sense.’ And I can’t not mention the line where Chris Brown specifically says he’s trying to fuck Coco Austin, who is married by the way. I mean, as long as it’s consensual, and as long as she’s not unfaithful, then who am I to judge, but this line does feel really creepy. And then there’s that line about Chris Brown’s time in anger management rehab in which he borderline dismisses it as being unimportant despite the fact that it was his own shitty actions that got him there.

I mean, I could go on and on about this song, but what’s the point? Sonically it’s not much more than a generic piece of pop garbage. I mean, it’s not even the worst sounding song eligible for this list, although it might be close. The vocal melodies are annoying, and neither artist has any sort of charisma behind the mic here, and the percussion is way too loud. So, yeah, it sounds like shit, but not in an interesting way.

I don’t see any reason why anyone would want to listen to this. Instead I can think of a shitload of reasons why I never want to hear this again. Fuck this horrible excuse for a song.

…

Alright, we’re finally done. As always, this was all just my opinion. Feel free to comment your list down below. I’m all out of words to say right now, so I’ll just say thanks for reading, and I’ll be back soon with the best list, as well as some more reviews of new albums.