Hello, everyone! My name is Simon, and today I’m reviewing the fourth studio album by TV Girl, Grapes Upon the Vine.

TV Girl are a band who have been putting out albums for nearly a decade now, and this is my first time listening to an album of theirs.

Going into this album I can’t say my expectations were super high, but I was curious to hear it … but yeah, it seemed like this album wasn’t getting the most positive reception, and I wasn’t really expecting to like it much. But maybe it could surprise me, right?

First, I want to make it clear that, as always, this is just about how I personally feel about the album. Even if I give an album a negative review, it’s not meant as a personal attack on anyone. I can respect the hard work, effort, and creativity put into making an album and meanwhile still not like the album. And while this is the case for all albums, the reason I’m specifically saying that here is because … well, in my opinion, this album is bad. Like, REALLY bad. And I’m going to kind of rant a bit about it, so just keep in mind that even if it sounds like I’m trying to be ‘objective’ at points, as always, that’s mostly for entertainment purposes. I do genuinely strongly dislike this album, but I think it makes for a more entertaining read if I kind of jokingly ‘roast’ the album instead of constantly saying ‘in my opinion’, ‘to me’, ‘to my ears’, etc, even though of course it’s just how I personally feel.

Honestly, after my first couple of listens, I was planning to do a mini review of this album … I mean, the album didn’t really do much for me, but I didn’t think it was going to give me much to say. But in a year in which I haven’t found much music that I really strongly dislike, I thought, why not do a full-length review? I think I’ll have too much to say about this album to put in a mini review.

And yeah … this album is a lot worse than I was expecting. And I don’t even know where to start this review.

But one band came to mind as a very notable comparison, that being Bastille. The instrumentals sound kind of similar, and the way they use samples reminds me a lot of Bastille, and an album like Wild World. And even as someone who likes that album, I don’t mean that comparison in a good way. And I’ll come back to this later.

So, what is it that makes this album so bad in my opinion? Well, I don’t think there’s really one specific thing that stands out to me as the big reason why I dislike this so much. I mean, I could talk about the awkward percussion choices that don’t work for me at all, or the mixing which I’m not a big fan of, and the annoying melodies and annoying samples, and so much more … so, I’m going to start by talking about the melodies …

Which don’t actually give me much to say. I mean, at some points it gets very annoying, like the interpolation of “Every Breath You Take” by The Police in “Fire”, the former of which is a much, much, MUCH better song … and there’s also the really annoying chorus of “Shame”.

But what about the production? Well, like I said, there are some really awkward percussion choices here, like the oddly clunky snare in “All the Way Through”, and the airy clicking beat in “Higher Ground”. And like I said, the mixing often doesn’t really work for me, either, mostly in the basslines. It’s worth noting that I didn’t listen to this album with headphones, but the bass in “One of These Mornings” sounds really awkward in the way it sounds too quiet at points but then suddenly sounds louder than it did. And the bass often sounds mixed really quietly … and yes, I know I said I didn’t listen with headphones, but the bass sounds almost non-existent at points when it could really use a more powerful bass!

But the chopped up vocals and looped vocals are one of the main things that I find super annoying here. They keep showing up on this album, and it gets really annoying, especially in the song, “Higher Ground”. Going back to the Bastille comparison, this sounds like a Bastille song … but as much as music critics sometimes have a reputation for really not liking Bastille—and I’m not really a huge Bastille fan, either—at least they have catchier, more interesting melodies and the percussion often has more punch to it, whereas this just sounds absolutely awful, with that horrible sample in the background that doesn’t go away, vocal melodies that don’t interest me at all, annoying percussion that I already mentioned, and a super annoying post-chorus with a chopped up sample!

And the vocal production really doesn’t fit with the instrumental at all here, and I’m not really sure why … and I’m noticing as I write this that I kind of don’t know where I’m even going with this review. And I said ‘kind of’ because there are some more things I want to say here … but there are other things I’d rather do with my time than continue to go on and on about this album … so, anyway, I’ll admit I may have kind of lied earlier when I said there isn’t one specific thing that’s holding this album back for me that really stands out more than anything else. And again, I said I ‘may have kind of lied,’ because … well, I’m not really sure if this is my biggest issue with the album, and also it’s kind of a bunch of things combined.

Maybe this doesn’t make any sense, but I guess the point I’m trying to make is that this seems like the type of album that’s supposed to sound super deep and interesting, and … well, I’m not very good at analyzing lyrics, so maybe I’m missing something, but it doesn’t seem deep at all to me … and also, maybe this wasn’t supposed to be super deep, I’m not sure. But when these lyrics and instrumentals are paired together, something just feels really off, leading to this feeling that just makes me want to stay the hell away from this record.

And that’s why this review is going into so little detail compared to the amount of detail I thought I was going to go into. And you might be asking, ‘Simon, how am I supposed to take your review seriously when you’re barely talking about the album?’ Well, my answer is you’re not supposed to take it all that seriously. Will the rating at the end be my genuine rating based on how I genuinely feel about the album? Yes. But I’m not claiming to know how ‘objectively good’ or ‘objectively bad’ any music is. And I kind of think the best way for me to get across my feelings on the album is by barely reviewing it in my ‘review’ of the album. And I think it’ll say even more that this isn’t how I thought this review was going to go at all … I thought I’d be going into a lot more detail, but I just don’t feel like it. And again, you might ask, ‘Then why isn’t it just a mini review then?’ Good question. I have a few reasons, one being that I already started writing it, but another being that despite me not having a ton to say about this album I did still end up having more to say about it than I would in a mini review … and also, I hope you’re finding this review entertaining. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re not finding this review entertaining, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you are, either.

Anyway … where was I again?

Well, I don’t find the lyrics very interesting, and one song that REALLY annoyed me is “Shame”, which not only has a slightly airy sound to it that I don’t think works at all, and vocals that overpower the mix at points, but also … okay, let me make it clear that I’m not saying this was the intent, and I can still respect it as a piece of art considering that I’m almost positive there were positive intentions here, but to me this song sounds like someone talking about huge problems in the world and just saying, ‘Well, that’s too bad,’ and completely ignoring it. And I get that we don’t want to let terrible things that happen ruin our lives, but with the really upbeat, jumpy instrumentation, this song feels like somebody just trying to ignore everything bad and making it seem like no big deal. I get that it can be interpreted differently, and I’m not saying Brad Petering is a bad person for writing this, but this song has a really icky feeling to it for me, and in my opinion this song is fucking awful.

And if that didn’t piss me off enough, a few songs later I heard “Big Black Void”, where the character in the song is about to commit suicide, and this song also has a similar upbeat, playful sound to it that makes it sound like it’s glorifying suicide, which I’m sure wasn’t the intent, but it still REALLY pissed me off—until late in the song, when Brad sings, ‘They’re gonna glorify me in a tragic song.’ And then I realized that was actually a pretty creative twist that totally changed my opinion on the song. I mean, it doesn’t change the fact that the instrumental and melodies do pretty much nothing for me, but it’s at least something positive I can say.

I don’t even know what to say at this point. Again, art is very open to interpretation, and if you think there’s more to this lyrically, feel free to let me know. I don’t actually want to come across as angry here, because at the end of the day I can still respect this album, and none of this is meant to be mean or anything … but I hope this review was entertaining.

Again, I’m going to rate this album based on how I genuinely feel, which for me is a 2/10 … but as always, feel free to let me know what you think. Sorry I didn’t go into more depth here, but again, I think that might get across my feelings on the album even better.

I can’t say I even like one song from this album if I’m being honest. At best it’s tolerable, and at worst it’s a nightmare … but that’s just how I personally feel.

Also, feel free to let me know in the comments if there are any albums you want me to review, preferably 2023 albums, but I’m open to doing more throwback reviews as well. If you recommend an album for me to review, it doesn’t guarantee that I’ll review it, but I might. 

Anyway, that’s going to do it for this review. I’ll be back with more reviews soon, and hopefully they’ll be a lot more positive than this one!

Final Thoughts
Rating: 2/10
Favourite Tracks: “Big Black Void”
Least Favourite Tracks: “All the Way Through”, “Higher Ground”, “Shame”, “One of These Mornings”, “Fire”, “Heaven Over our Heads”